Saturday, December 29, 2012

My only New Year's resolution

Fear nothing.

Until recently, most of my life has been dictated by the phrase, "Why not?" I've moved, changed colleges, explored new careers, taken and quit all kinds of jobs based on my lack of fear of change. Why not go to grad school?  Why not work in the film business?  Why not move to Los Angeles?  Sure, why not?

But lately, I have been struck with a bad case of the Fears.  I have been fearing change when it comes to my living space, the subjects and style of my writing, and the "freelance" part of my freelance career. Let's examine a few of my Fears, shall we?

I've wanted an outdoor space for just about ever but I've worried that the new place won't be as good or as cheap as what we have (the devil you know, as they say).  

I've wanted a dog for just as long but I've worried that I won't have time for one.  

I've wanted to try writing different types of stories but I've worried that I can't possibly write as well as my heroes.

I've wanted to re-arrange my teaching schedule but I've worried that my students will leave.

I can continue on for another year like this, in comfortable mediocrity, or I can bust out and get back to my roots of "Why not?" I always ask my dance students, "What's the worst that could happen if you try a step or a combination this way?" You fail? Okay, so try again. But the best that could happen would be you succeed and then you can move forward and do more things.

I really need to take my own advice: stop overanalyzing everything and just do something.  Take *a* step.  Any step in any direction.  It will be far better than being stuck in one place forever and ever. But the biggest reason to stop fearing change?  No one cares.  Let's examine that again, shall we?

NO ONE CARES.  Seriously, people care about themselves and their own families and their own lives.  They don't care about you - about me.  I don't mean this in a negative way.  I mean this in a practical way.  No one can possibly care about my life and what I do with it the way I can.  So if I try something and I fail at it, what's the big deal?  It's more likely that no one will even notice.  And that's a very freeing way to approach change. I can proclaim to the world, Hey, World! I'm gonna do XY and Z! And the world (i.e. friends and family and Facebookers) will respond with a, "Go for it!" And they'll click Like and then they move on. Because that's what people do.  They move on to the next story.  They won't even remember I told them I was doing XY and Z until I do it and tell them I did it.

So you see...No One Cares. But me. And if I'm only doing things to impress myself, then why the hell would I want to do Nothing?  Heck no.  I want to do Something and if it fails, then I'll do Something Else.

Fear Nothing. Happy 2013.