My only New Year's resolution

Fear nothing.

Until recently, most of my life has been dictated by the phrase, "Why not?" I've moved, changed colleges, explored new careers, taken and quit all kinds of jobs based on my lack of fear of change. Why not go to grad school?  Why not work in the film business?  Why not move to Los Angeles?  Sure, why not?

But lately, I have been struck with a bad case of the Fears.  I have been fearing change when it comes to my living space, the subjects and style of my writing, and the "freelance" part of my freelance career. Let's examine a few of my Fears, shall we?

I've wanted an outdoor space for just about ever but I've worried that the new place won't be as good or as cheap as what we have (the devil you know, as they say).  

I've wanted a dog for just as long but I've worried that I won't have time for one.  

I've wanted to try writing different types of stories but I've worried that I can't possibly write as well as my heroes.

I've wanted to re-arrange my teaching schedule but I've worried that my students will leave.

I can continue on for another year like this, in comfortable mediocrity, or I can bust out and get back to my roots of "Why not?" I always ask my dance students, "What's the worst that could happen if you try a step or a combination this way?" You fail? Okay, so try again. But the best that could happen would be you succeed and then you can move forward and do more things.

I really need to take my own advice: stop overanalyzing everything and just do something.  Take *a* step.  Any step in any direction.  It will be far better than being stuck in one place forever and ever. But the biggest reason to stop fearing change?  No one cares.  Let's examine that again, shall we?

NO ONE CARES.  Seriously, people care about themselves and their own families and their own lives.  They don't care about you - about me.  I don't mean this in a negative way.  I mean this in a practical way.  No one can possibly care about my life and what I do with it the way I can.  So if I try something and I fail at it, what's the big deal?  It's more likely that no one will even notice.  And that's a very freeing way to approach change. I can proclaim to the world, Hey, World! I'm gonna do XY and Z! And the world (i.e. friends and family and Facebookers) will respond with a, "Go for it!" And they'll click Like and then they move on. Because that's what people do.  They move on to the next story.  They won't even remember I told them I was doing XY and Z until I do it and tell them I did it.

So you see...No One Cares. But me. And if I'm only doing things to impress myself, then why the hell would I want to do Nothing?  Heck no.  I want to do Something and if it fails, then I'll do Something Else.

Fear Nothing. Happy 2013.

Ambitious Writing Projects; Or, the Big Idea

All writers have them.  If you love books, love the written word, love stories that suck you in utterly and completely and don't let you go, then you probably have one or two Big Ideas.  They are the stories that you have been thinking about, dreaming about, since you were a kid or first even considered writing as more than a hobby.

I have a couple of Big Ideas.  They began as tiny seeds and have grown in my imagination bigger and bigger - but they aren't quite trees yet.  They're still just sprouts or maybe saplings. In other words, I don't know when I will be skilled enough to write them.

Because that's the problem with ambitious writing projects: if you have any self-awareness as a writer, you know what you're capable of.  I, for instance, could never write a multi-generational saga like Alex Haley's "Roots" or epic high fantasy like JRR Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings." I love both of those books and I admire the hell out of them but I know I am not skilled in those areas of writing.

Some writers tackle their Big Idea over and over again.  They try it this way and that, tinkering with it in different ways, some successful, some not. They may even publish these stories over and over again as well.  For them it may be a particular character or theme that keeps them pushing forward. But I'm not like that.  I'm afraid of taking my Big (Cool) Idea and screwing it up.  I'm afraid of not having the right skills to do the Big (Cool) Idea justice. 

In recent weeks, I have been approaching one of my Big Ideas with caution. After successfully completing a novella that was miles away from what I had been writing for publication, I feel like I may be able to attempt one of my ambitious writing projects.

Interview at Count My Stars!

Elizabeth Thurmond, amazing writer and pop culture aficionado, interviewed me today on her blog, Count My Stars, for her feature, Woman Writer Wednesday!

Check it out!  Thanks so much for featuring me, Liz! I am honored to be part of your blog.

Cheers~

To thine own self be true

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Ah, Will Shakespeare can turn a phrase, can't he?  The above is from "Hamlet," Polonius to his son, Laertes.

Much has been made lately of authors writing to their young selves. There's even a collection of letters from famous authors to their teen selves, "The Letter Q."  This one is in regard to sexual orientation but there are others, plus blog posts galore, many inspired by Oprah Winfrey.

You know what I'd tell my younger self? Be true to yourself. Be honest about what you really love.  Don't waste time on things and people you don't feel passion for. It's not like I'm telling Teen Leigh to be all Goth or not to drink or want to hang out with the popular kids. But Teen Leigh definitely had a dark streak, one that she didn't think she should have - or had a right to have. In her mind, people who liked reading horror or science fiction, who imagined impossible worlds and insane characters, were people who had unusual past lives, who experienced trauma or abuse or other hardships.  Girls who grew up in middle class households and attended women's colleges, who danced and studied hard, generally and generically speaking, "good girls," didn't like those things.

For much of her life, that Teen Leigh's "preferred" thoughts prevailed and the things she liked and dreamt about were pushed aside.  She felt false a lot of the time but then the fake truth became kind of real. Until now.

While I am super proud of having been published by a big publisher and I love seeing my books on library shelves, I don't think Teen Leigh would have read them.  She haunted the stacks for creepier reads, for uneven books, messy books, stories that didn't have happy endings and whose narrators were good people who went bad. Lots of middle-aged people will tell you the same thing, "Never regret. Do what you love." That's because, when you reach a certain place in your life, you can see the end of the tunnel. You don't want to spend one minute more doing something you don't like.

Writers are told all the time that they should only write what they love. Part of the reason for that is that it takes a long time to write a book and you will spend many, many hours with your characters. But the other part of it is that you can only write passionately and honestly about things you truly love. As I explore darker elements in my stories, characters and situations that I might not have written about in the past, I am finally finding the passion that was missing.  I love what I'm writing,  I love what I'm doing.

CBS News Anchor Talks about Bullying On-Air

This is anchorwoman Jennifer Livingston of the CBS affiliate WKBT in LA Crosse, Wisconsin. In this video she confronts a cyber-bully who sent her an email telling her she was no role model because she was "obese." The man talked only about her looks, her outward appearance, she says in this video, and not about what is inside her.  She reminds us that October is Anti-Bullying Month and she reaches out to all kids who might be bullied because of their size, sexual preference, disability, etc. She encourages them to reject their bullies' definitions of them.

I love that her approach is nether strident nor a plea for acceptance.  She is frank and honest and sharp in her words.  She does not become an "emotional female" when discussing her weight; in fact, she does not discuss her weight at all. That is exactly her point: her weight is not a topic of discussion or speculation for anyone outside her family or circle of friends. Case closed.

Another very good point she makes is that attitudes like this have a trickle down effect.  When someone in your household voices the opinion that fat people are bad (or gay people are bad or the disabled, and so on), then the members of that household internalize the opinion and take it away with them.  They might go to school and see someone who is overweight, call them fat, call them bad. She turns the tables on her cyber-bully and tells him that he is no role model if this is how he talks about other people.

Like most women, I am sensitive to weight(y) issues and I am always watching certain industries in which women's weight is particularly noted, like on-air journalism, acting, modeling, and so on. I'd like to believe my characters in FAT GIRLS IN LA would respond like Jennifer Livingston does.  She not only takes the high road with dignity but delivers her message to everyone, not just her bully.

Review: "Needs Must When the Devil Drives" by Rachel V. Olivier

Full disclosure: Rachel Olivier is a friend of mine and the copy editor of my upcoming novel, "The Rise of Ginny."  However, that doesn't mean she's not also supremely gifted as a writer as well.

First of all, the title.  It's a paraphrasing of a quote from Shakespeare's play, "All's Well That Ends Well" and refers to the kinds of things people do when they are desperate. Particularly appropriate for this novella.

Second of all, the subtitle. "An Apocalyptic Romance." Who has time for romance during the Apocalypse? Yes, this too is appropriate.

The main character, Kelly, is a bit of a sad sack who has been feeling sorry for herself and her current life situation.  She left her small town in Washington state to be an actress in Los Angeles but never made the splash she'd hoped.  When her mother needs a caretaker, Kelly promises herself it will only be temporary, that her move home will be just for her mother.  But instead, she stays a lot longer than she ever intended and even takes a local job.

Kelly is at a crossroads in her life: does she stay in her small hometown and acknowledge defeat in the acting world or does she plunge back into the movie scene and feel guilty about her mother's worsening condition?  She packs her dog Jake into her car and heads out on a camping trip to clear her head.  While she's out communing with nature, something very strange occurs but she doesn't realize how devastating it will turn out to be until she begins investigating the next day.

No cell phone service.  No electricity. No living humans.  Only the charred remains of people and animals and a weird black soot on everything.  She is determined to go back home and see her mother; on the way, she meets Dan, another survivor. Together, they travel back to her small town and fall in love along the way.

Most stories that deal with end times are grand epic things.  The characters are often heroic on a big scale and we have interaction with the thing or things that caused the end times to occur.  Not so with Olivier's novella.  Her Kelly is no action hero.  She is just an average person dealing with the aftermath of a major event, but in her own small way.  She doesn't join a traveling group of survivors, a la Stephen King's "The Stand."  She is all alone, thankful to meet Dan and to have her loyal dog with her. But it's all the stuff that she thinks about, the pettiness she feels from time to time, the guilt she suffers from, that makes this story truly enjoyable and relatable.

I love that Kelly worries about bad breath and drinking warm beer in the morning.  I love that she is snippy and tired and on edge.  I love that she is sometimes selfish and often squeamish.  And I love her voice.  She is not snarky or too self-deprecating. She is an imperfect human and she is all of us. She is how many of us would be during a situation like this.

Currently, I am writing a novella so it was a great time for me to read Rachel's new one, her third published.  A novella is not a long short story, nor is it a short novel.  It is its own art form.  Many famous literary figures wrote novellas, classics like John Steinbeck's "Of Mice and Men" and Joseph Campbell's "Who Goes There?" Yet often novellas are treated like a novel's poor relations.  Writers themselves kind of say, "Oh, huh, this isn't big enough for a novel but I have more to say than in a short story."  Many reluctantly go forth with the novella and say, "Market, be damned."

"Needs Must..." is the perfect story for a novella. It is a personal tale with an apocalyptic backdrop, a very human story. Buy your copy at Sam's Dot! And to learn more about Rachel, check out her blog and follow her on Facebook. 

Reviews, views and sock puppetry

Psst! Hey buddy, wanna buy a 5-star review?

 
The internet has been aghast at the accusations of sock puppetry by best-selling authors (see JA Konrath's wonderful series of posts explaining all of it as well as the Guardian and Huffington Post articles). The problem?  Authors are alternately buying reviews of their books (like the mega-selling indie author John Locke) or creating false accounts to boost reviews of their books or denigrate other authors' books (see Stephen Leather, etc.).

It's tempting, when faced with low Amazon numbers or very few reviews, to bump up your own with some fake ones.  After all, a writer might tell herself that everyone else is doing it and besides, what could be the harm in just one or two fake reviews? I am not going to judge anyone for doing that because I can easily understand the despair one might feel.  Believe me, I would love to have more reviews on Amazon or B&N but hey, the ones I have are honest and well-written so who am I to complain?

I think that the people (mostly writers) who are outraged about fake reviews aren't considering the intelligence of readers these days.  We (I am a reader too!) are savvy about too many 5-stars - and by too many 1-stars.  I can read a review and tell if someone hasn't read a book and is posting a fake review.  And I can tell when it's a friend or relative saying really nice things just to be nice. Most readers can - they're not fooled by trolls.

Where I draw the line is with authors who are purposefully trashing their competitors. Hiding behind a fake name and online profile is cheap, mean, and cowardly.  If you have to say something nasty about a fellow writer (do you really?), then at least use your own name. Personally, when I read a book I don't like, I just don't rate or review it.  I don't believe in 1 or 2 star reviews. Why? Because I put my own name on the reviews and I wouldn't want a fellow writer to feel bad - like I would (and do) when I receive low ratings.

Retaliation is a poor substitute for honesty.  When a writer (or reader) posts a nasty review just because that writer angered them personally or because they want to make the writer feel bad, that's retaliation.  Anyone who claims they are "just being honest" is lying to themselves.

All that being said, I would like to post a link to a real review by a real reader of my novel, CHASING THE FALLS.  I submitted my book to Flamingnet Book Reviews to be reviewed but did not pay for it.  They gave me honest feedback (you will see how honest it was!).  This kind of review really touches my heart because I can tell the reviewer read the book and truly enjoyed it.  This was an intelligently-written piece that really dug into the meat of the book.  This is the kind of review writers cherish.  Thank you, Flamingnet Book Reviews and my teen reader!